my comfort zone

I have a pair of jeans. This pair of jeans is nothing special. Actually, if my mom ever got a hold of them she would cut them to pieces and then burn those pieces. These jeans have been with me for several years now. They used to be my favorite pair. There wasn't a week I went without wearing them. In fact, if I could have gotten away with it, Iwould have worn them everyday! They fit me well. Or, they did. Sadly, since losing all my weight, they no longer fit. But I kept them anyway. The last time of so I went to go buy new jeans, I found that the store where I bought them still has the same design. So I bought a new pair. The new pair is 3 European sizes smaller (equals to six American sizes), than the old pair. The old pair is literally falling apart at the seams. There are holes in them everywhere, one of the belt loops is connected with a safety pin, and the hem at the bottom of each leg is so torn the get stuck on my shoes.

They are absolutely horrible. Yet, I continue to wear them. Why you ask? They don't fit. And to be honost, I can't even walk without them falling down. I have to hold them to walk up the stairs. I have to hold them to walk down the street.

They, you see, are my comfort blanket. They have been out grown, and have become more of a hassle than a statement. I used to wear them as a statement. I was trying to say "yea at times, i can be a little edgy. They were my punk rock pants. Now, they are just a reminder of what used to be. Like a child with a security blanket, I can't bare to get rid of them. They remind me of the past, oh what I was, and what I never hope to be again.

Now the delima stands. Do I dare throw them away? Do I keep them to remain a reminder, yet allow them to continue to take up space?

Help me. I need it. I need to be a big girl and just let go of the past. But, like the child in all of us, it hurts to let go of what has been so good to me.

<3 katie jo

ps....dave...call soon. miss you (sad face)

a substantial set back

I have been in communications with all the schools I have been trying to get into in order to get my master's degree. It looks as though I won't be able to do the 3 pre-req classes before the deadline for applications to Loyola. not unless I can come up with $3750.00. That's what it would cost.
Usually, I wouldn't see this as a terrible thing. I'll just apply for Financial Aid, right? Nope. Not this time Kalen. You aren't actually considered a real student. The term Northwestern gives is called "student-at-large." This, however, doesn't qualify for finacial aid. Technically, i'm not actually progressing towards an actual degree. No loans, no grants, no nothing.

So, it looks as though I will have to find something else to do. Guess it just wasn't in the cards for me.

Kinda sucks. This is a big blow. Any idea's (that don't have jail time as a reprecussion?)

sad face.
~k

the singing me!

in an effort to get to know the city a little more and to get to know a couple of people to hang out with...i have recently decided to try and get into a master's program at one of the universities here. there are several which have the degree i would like (educational counseling). however, the school that i am looking at (loyola) requires that i have a couple of classes before being admitted. so i need to take the classes before applying. so i am trying to get into another school (northwestern) in order to take the three classes. haha ....tons of things to do and not alot of time. the deadline to get into northwestern for the winter trimester is november 1. by then, i have to have like a million things to do.

am i crazy for trying to get a degree completely different than what i am currently doing. yes. do i think that i will love my job more. absolutely. i cant wait for the day when i get to walk into a high school and know that one day, im going to have that one child that comes and tells me that i was the one that helped mold them into who they are. i cant wait.

hopefully besides getting a great education from another great insitution, i will get to know a couple of cool people to hang out with and i will be less inclinded to leave the unknown and go back to a more familiar set of surroundings.

ps....if you havent seen the show "singing bee" it is so funny. if only someone could hear the words i sing when i don't know the real words to the song!

remember this dave

davey....do you actually remember when i bought the fefe dobson cd ....we were at the best buy in dover....and paige and i made you listen to that one song over and over ....and over again!!! this can be our song!!!!

take me away!!!

again. and again ....that is awesome...me and you and paige should drive around again and listen to that song like a million times over!!

wondering

what an interesting conversation i had.....did we really talk about what we talked about?? and if so ...why are we waiting??? where do we go from here??

and i love the song <3
mine to you ---> everything by fefe dobson

katie jo

with or without. <3

i had a pretty rough weekend. it involved a monday spent completely alone and a night in my bed fighting back tears. its not that i am sad. its just that i am completely alone up here. im out of my element. its weird. i have never been the one unable to make friends. i could talk to just about anyone and walk away with a friend. im not full of myself. im just friendly. but something happened with the move. i lost my mojo. i dont know. more than anything, i miss my best friends. i get to talk to becky regularly. or semi-regularly. but its hard. and i miss davy. alot. alot alot alot. dont ask me why. we talk all the time. but i havent talked to him in like forever. atleast 3 days. i know that doesnt seem like alot but when i was in texas, i was able to call him whenever and atleast leave a message. i cant do that now. we can sit on the phone and not say a word and i still have a smile on my face. he is my friend. my best friend. he completes me.

davy. call soon. i miss you. <3>

Ten Months

BEFORE: (September 2006)

In an effort to figure out just how much I have changed, I decided to post a "then and now" picture. This is to try and see if I can tell a difference in myself from now and my last semester in school. It's been a rough year. I graduated college, lost my way, got stuck in a dead-end, found my way out, lost all hope, found new friends and moved half way accross the country. Sound fun??? Here are the picks, can you tell what a year it has been??

AFTER (August 2007)