my comfort zone

I have a pair of jeans. This pair of jeans is nothing special. Actually, if my mom ever got a hold of them she would cut them to pieces and then burn those pieces. These jeans have been with me for several years now. They used to be my favorite pair. There wasn't a week I went without wearing them. In fact, if I could have gotten away with it, Iwould have worn them everyday! They fit me well. Or, they did. Sadly, since losing all my weight, they no longer fit. But I kept them anyway. The last time of so I went to go buy new jeans, I found that the store where I bought them still has the same design. So I bought a new pair. The new pair is 3 European sizes smaller (equals to six American sizes), than the old pair. The old pair is literally falling apart at the seams. There are holes in them everywhere, one of the belt loops is connected with a safety pin, and the hem at the bottom of each leg is so torn the get stuck on my shoes.

They are absolutely horrible. Yet, I continue to wear them. Why you ask? They don't fit. And to be honost, I can't even walk without them falling down. I have to hold them to walk up the stairs. I have to hold them to walk down the street.

They, you see, are my comfort blanket. They have been out grown, and have become more of a hassle than a statement. I used to wear them as a statement. I was trying to say "yea at times, i can be a little edgy. They were my punk rock pants. Now, they are just a reminder of what used to be. Like a child with a security blanket, I can't bare to get rid of them. They remind me of the past, oh what I was, and what I never hope to be again.

Now the delima stands. Do I dare throw them away? Do I keep them to remain a reminder, yet allow them to continue to take up space?

Help me. I need it. I need to be a big girl and just let go of the past. But, like the child in all of us, it hurts to let go of what has been so good to me.

<3 katie jo

ps....dave...call soon. miss you (sad face)